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Saturday, part 2
2005-11-20 ~ 11:00 p.m.

Okay, a quick preface to this entry. First, for all y'all Monday through Friday readers, go back one for an entry all about my Friday. Second, this here entry is actually a continuation of this entry

Moving on



So we head on over to the mecca of all that is cheesy and good and as we enter the restaurant we are again assailed with the heady wine scent that signifies good fondue. I swear, I could just breathe that in all day.

We approach the hostess and find out (no suprise) that our table isn't ready to we decide to wait in the bar. Where I finally get my chance to try one of them there dirty martinis all you hipsters keep raving about.

First sip. Hm. Curious. I do like olives. I offer a sip to Tea, who tries it and utters what I had merely thought, "Why this is olive juice."

Mm, yes. Now, I like olives. I mean, I REALLY like olives. Matter of fact, I just finished snacking on a small bowl of blue cheese stuffed olives. BUT I DON'T DRINK THE JUICE, YO! What the fuck is wrong with you people? That damned drink is nothing but fucking olive juice. BLEH, that tastes like paint!

(Very perceptive, Mr Dweem)

And yet, I choke it down. It may be paint, but it's durned expensive paint. By this point, the four of us have sort of segmented. Krumpet and I have formed one conversational group, if you will, and Tea and Lillibet have formed another. They were playing backgammon. Krumpet and I were having much more fun observing the waitstaff.

Such as one waiter who had a very medieval, RennFest look to him. Every time he walked past, Krumpet and I would call out, "Huzzah!" Or the waiter who forlonly cruised the bar, plaintitively calling for his party. "Brown? Brooooown?" Or the bartender who cursed not quite so under her breath at having to make a tray full of yin-yang martinis. Not only were they frozen, necessitating the use of the blender, which I've found a lot of bartenders hate to do, BUT they also had an elaborate stencil on top. She had to grate chocolate on top of this white ice cream drink and then carefully place little dots of white and milk chocolate to form a little yin-yang design. Hence the name. Get it, huh huh huh???

At one point, we see a waiter go past with a tray of goodies to be dunked into chocolate. Krumpet's eyes widen. "Were those....brownies?" Yes, I tell her. For dipping in the fondue. "You mean, little bits on chocolate? To dip in MORE chocolate?" She was speechless. This? Never happens.

Mmmm....chocolate.

Oh, sorry, I'm back. Just a momentary flashback.

I'm discussing my fervent desire for an iPod and the machinations I've been....machinating in order to get my folks to purchase one for me for Christmas. And Krumpet tells me her company gave all their employees iPod at their summer barbeque. Or something. She hasn't even opened her's yet. I offer her the contents of my right pocket for her iPod. (For the record, that amounted to about $50, plus a lipstick). She declined so I threw in the contents of my LEFT pocket (some spare change (in my brand new SOCK PURSE) and my cell) She said she would only give it to me for ONE MILLYUN DOLLARS.

(Note, later Krumpet said I offered her my SOUL for the iPod. This is not true. I offered my CELL. But I can see where she might have been confused)

Finally, our waiter, Brian, comes to get us. Brian? Was hyped up on coke. Or something. Might have just been natural exuberance but he was WIRED man. He was also funny as a funny person working in a funny factory. Which is pretty gosh durned funny, yo.

He leads us to our table and warns us not to touch the pot in the middle of the table. Because it's hot. Of course, I immediately reach out to test this theory. I get this from my dad. Without fail, if Dad ever sees a sign that says, "Don't touch" he will touch it. No matter what.

Brian was not happy that I did not listen to him. I think this is why he kept looking at Krumpet when he was talking about it being a birthday celebration even though we told him it was MY birthday. MINE MINE MINE.

At some point, Brian also managed to set the table on fire. I think he was aiming for my eyebrows, because they had become quite overgrown and in need of flaming. Or waxing. Take your pick.

He tells us about some of their seasonal specials, including some sort of cranberry cheese thing. But he gives us the Jazz Hands of Raspberry Hate, telling us that that particular blend wasn't very good, we won't like it.

So we listened to him

So we order our cheese selection and he wanders off, saying that soon the pot will start to steam and as soon as it starts steaming, he'll be back.

Not TEN seconds after he left, the pot started steaming. "It's steaming, Brain!" we called. But no Brian. Krumpet speared her napkin on her fork and began waving it. Still no Brian. So she studied the menu because we decided we were going to order salads. She comes up a description of a "sweet and tangy" salad dressing and wonders what "sweet and tangy" means exactly. Once Brian eventually returns she asks and as soon as he says, "honey mustard" she signs up for the salad. (Um. Not that there was an actual sign up sheet. It's an expression, you know. Trying to keep this thing lively.) What we want to know is why they couldn't just SAY honey mustard.

Now it is Brian's time to shine as he prepares the cheese fondue. As each ingredient goes in, he tells us what it is. And as he scoops up a large spoonful of garlic he says, "And we all like garlic, right" and we all say "RIGHT!" except Lillibet who timidly says, "Er, no." And we all give her the look of doom because, garlic! So she relents and we have garlic in our fondue and I assume she liked it although by that point, I was at least three martinis in and was feeling no pain and really wasn't conscious of much that was going on around me.

NO, I didn't have three dirty martinis. Weren't you paying attention? OLIVE JUICE. No, no no, I had three chocolate martinis. Those things are the second best thing EVAH!!

As a matter of fact, I was so non-conscious that Krumpet had to help me outline this entry. I don't think I actually recall much of the evening at all.

I do recall The Discussion of Asshattery. In which I discussed things which Lillibet dearly wished I had not discussed at the dinner table. Things dealing with soap. If you have access to my pink diary, look for the entry titled "I must remember this" and you'll better understand the soap discussion.

And there was more discussion of asshattery but it doesn't really belong in this diary.

All in all, much fun was had. Brian was the coolest waiter ever, The Melting Pot rocks and I have the best girlfriends in the world. Seriously ladies? I know I said this last weekend but I was....inebriated and I want to say it again now. I love you guys. You put up with a lot of crap from me in the past and I'm sorry for that. Thank you for everything.

And with that, I'm done. I have one more entry to crank out but that will wait another day or two so I can be fully informed before writing it.

Ta, yo.

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before || after
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