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Deep thoughts?
2005-10-03 ~ 10:09 p.m.

Tonight, I'm feeling introspective. Not sad, not at all. Just....deep.

I've just been thinking about the men in my life, past and present. Some of them have been MY men and some of them never were and never will be.

I don't have a lot of actual regrets in my life. I have things I know that were wrong. But I don't know if I'd change them because everything that happened has helped to form me into the person I am today. And I actually like me.

One of my few regrets involves something I DIDN'T do. And I sit back and I wonder how different my life would have been if things had happened differently. I don't necessarily think that the major events in my life would have changed. But I think I might have gotten more....enjoyment from some of them.

I know that's vague. I'm sorry.

I'm actually going to get back in touch with my high school sweetheart. I found out several months ago that Lillibet lives just a few doors down from his sister. I didn't really think of reconnecting with him at the time since I was with Bobby and it just seemed....sketchy to be trying to contact an old love. But now....? Well, I at least want to see how he's doing. Last I knew, he was single and living in Seattle. But his family is still here so he has to visit occasionally, right?

I dunno. Lots of thoughts swirling about my head. None of them bad, but all of them just ephemeral enough so that I'm not able to put them into words. Thoughts about what was and what could be. Mostly I'm thinking about one person in particular, a man I am just crazy about but I know I can't have.

Seriously? I need a boy toy. I need....well, if you read The Divine (or is it Spooky?) Miss Pea, then you'll know what I mean when I say I want my own Stone.

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