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Party night!!!
2005-09-20 ~ 7:15 p.m.

This entry was cowritten by my bestest friends in the whole wide world, Tea and Krumpet. I hope y'all enjoy it as much as we enjoyed writing it.



So. Krumpet tells me that I need to write about Saturday night.

Because there was much frivolity.

And hilarity. Ensuing. From our gathering that is. The hilarity. It ensued.

So I would write all about it. Because it was fun.

Except. I don�t remember much.

I know there was laughter.

And vegetables tossed down my cleavage. [Tea: And don�t forget the skittles down the cleavage, (boy, was your cleavage ever busy Saturday night) that prompted Stephen to ask about the 5 second rule for cleavage, leading to the question �Hey, do you want to taste the rainbow?�.]

And Muriel!

And Christopher Columbus. [Tea: Don�t forget Marco Pollo, who brought chicken to the New World. New world? So what�s the Old World? Who was it new to? But I digress�] [Me: I just wanted to know why it was assumed that WE were the New World? Who was the New World before us? Has there been another New World since us?][Tea: But you digress�]

I remember heading upstairs to get my laptop, muttering, �I must blog this� and then just as quickly heading back down the stairs because my laptop battery is weak and puny and won�t hold a charge for more than two milliseconds. [Tea: At least you�re on the Proper Internet now.]

Maybe if I start my recollection chronologically.

Okay, so Krumpet and Jon and their spawn arrived first. They lingered out front for several minutes, causing Greg to fret that they were walking ON THE LAWN, on his PRISTINE lawn!! Oh my God, Vicki, get them off, OFF OFF OFF!!!

So they came in and snackage was artfully arranged in our midst and then Lillibet arrived, quickly followed by Stephen. And then Tea. [Tea: Don�t forget, I was totally late and the party was no fun til I got there.] [Me: Yes. Of course. How could I forget?]

Hm. So that covers the who.

We chatted for a bit, with Greg and Krumpet tossing pop cultural references back and forth to each other with vicious abandon.

There was reference made to Dorothy Parker. And the Algonquin Round Table. Which was a movie. With Bridget Jones. [Tea: No, no, Dorothy Parker didn�t get discussed til we were playing Trivial Pursuit. Cuz the question said she was Algonquin, which I didn�t know. Which is okay, because it wasn�t a question we were being asked.]

Then Greg departed and we decided to play Trivial Pursuit and that�s where things started to get hazy.

First Tea immediately declared that she and I had to be on a team. [Tea: Point out to the viewers at home that this is because you know all the entertainment questions, or SO I THOUGHT, and I know some of the other types of questions (I knew more before senility hit), so we used to be a terrific team.] [Me: Slaves? Africa? Slaves?? Cities?? PAKISTAN??? DISNEYWORLD!!!] Then Krumpet stated that she and Jon could not, under any circumstances, for the good of their marriage AND the world, be on the same team.

At all.

So Tea and Krumpet and I were on one team and Jonny and Stephen and Liz were on another. Although Jonny didn�t really count. Being a Brit and all. And a blond to boot. And Liz wasn�t really playing except for every once in a while when she�d pipe in with some ENTIRELY irrelevant comment such as �Isn�t Memphis in Tennessee?�

(And to just illustrate how useless Jonny is for anything except amusement purposes, here is an anecdote I DO remember. See, there was a question about a painting. Said painting was of Jesus Christ. The question had something to do with his legs having to be lopped off the painting so it could fit through a door. Or something. [Tea: They lopped off his legs so they could put in or widen a door.] So Jon said something about the Sistine Chapel being a muriel of Christ. A MURIEL) [Tea: In defense of the blond Brit�he did know what color was restricted in Brunei only to the royal family! Even if he didn�t know the name of the Queen Mum (which is in fact Elizabeth), much less that of her husband.] [Me: GEORGE!!! But at least he knew what she drinks. Or drank. Seeing as she�s dead now. From all that drinking, I assume]

[Tea: And don�t forget how Jonny failed to move to a Roll Again space and instead went to something random and Stephen flung himself at the board in one of those tv show �Nooooooooooo� moments.] [Me: No no no. Jonny moved TO a roll again space instead of to an all important wedge space][Tea: Are you sure? I thought it was the other way.] [Me: Ellifino. I couldn�t remember half of this stuff before now, why do you think we are undergoing this exercise in the first place?][Tea: Oh, right.]

I was eventually kicked off the team because every time we debated an answer and ended up choosing MY answer, it turned out the OTHER answer was right. Every. Damn. Time. [Tea: I am STILL glaring at you. Can you feel it?][Tea: Though is that why you were kicked off? I don�t remember, but I thought there was another reason. It was some time during the second game, which we were forcing Stephen to play, even though he wanted to go home.] [Me: I swear it was because of the whole Cher/Santana/Tina Turner fiasco. Or maybe it was the Toni Morrison/Terry McMillan thing][Tea: See comments at the end of previous paragraph.]

They tried to make me play with Stephen (and the non-playing Liz and the useless Jonny) but I remained loyal to my former teammates. And finally, the moment of my vindication came when there was a question about music and I was all Horseshacky and �OOH! OOH!! OOOOH!� and they finally agreed to let me come back because it was for a wedge and I was in fact right.

But we still lost.

Both times we played.

Because they? Had Stephen. And Stephen knows stuff. He even knows stuff about Barbara Cartland. How this is possible I have no idea. [Tea: I still can�t figure out how he knew about Barbara Cartland either. For the folks at home, Stephen tends to have, um, shall we say, more intellectual tastes in the arts and literature.]

Tell ya what. Since I remember so little, I�m going to let Tea and Krumpet co-write this entry. We�ll see what they have to say and then I�ll post this sucker.

[Tea: Hm. I wonder if this is just funnier to us cuz we were there.]

And here�s Krumpet!

Well, this is�kinda scary. Tap, tap...is this thing on?

So, what I remember about the party. Hmm�I can confirm the transformation of brother Greg into Vicki�s dad. The lawn! The crumbs on the floor he JUST VACUUMED! Luckily for his nerves, he left before the food fight began. [Me: And I had a total deer in the headlights moment when I spilled dip. On his floor. Oh the humanity]

The first thing that happened was that we were graced with �Stache�s presence. He was quite the handsome gentleman, and did not blow his boogers in my hair. Sugar kept to herself, observing the party from the stairs.

It is true that I refuse to play on a team with my husband. Bless him, he�s useful when it comes to building stuff (hello new basement and stairs and house extension!) and he has an uncanny knack for running into movie stars (hello Sean Connery and George Clooney!), and he IS the one of us with a college education (hello civil engineering!), but when it comes to games, well, he�s�he�

He has Jonny logic.

As in: When the question is what percent of 10,000 people ride bicycles to work, 5, 25, or 50, he�ll start by figuring out how many people live in Mongolia. From there he�ll figure out how many Mongolians have camels. The number of camels in Mongolia will SOMEHOW, in Jonny logic, be the numbers of bicycles in the world divided by 7. Multiply this by the number of diesel cars driven in France. And so on. He does this OUT LOUD.

Now, I am a trash talking, hardcore game player. So the FIFTH TIME he drew the wrong picture in Pictionary (oh, I thought we were drawing the rose colored one. THERE IS NO ROSE COLOR IN PICTIONARY) and I�m there guessing snowman, and the rest of the party is looking sideways at me as I yell, triumphantly, FROSTY THE SNOWMAN, and Jonny throws his pencil down all happy �we win, we win�, and I look around and everyone else has pictures of the Taj Mahal, well, I realized that for the sake of our marriage, I should just�not play with him. So instead, Tea and I got Vicki.

Next time we�re holding out for Stephen.

Also, it wasn�t a vegetable that I threw down Vicki�s cleavage, it was a Skittle(r). I know this, because for the next 5 minutes all we did was �Taste the Rainbow� jokes, including trying to get her to do it at work and ask Hot Boy if he wanted to. I do think that broccoli was thrown later, but it ended up on the carpet. [Me: I�m pretty sure the broccoli was the first food thrown. I said something and Tea threw a piece of broccoli at me which hit me square in the mouth and that�s when Tea and Stephen started tossing radishes at me that I ATTEMPTED to catch in my mouth and it wasn�t until later I found that Stephen was ACTUALLY attempted to toss them down my shirt. Some things never change.] [Tea: The broccoli was tossed at Vicki, but hit her in the face. I can�t remember what she said, but she deserved to have something tossed at her. This resulted in me �attempting� to toss radishes in her mouth, or rather, she tried to catch the radishes that I was throwing her way.]

And that caused the discussion of the 5 second rule, which Tea told us had been scientifically debunked, but they couldn�t do it in a lab because it was too clean, so they did it somewhere where the floor was dirty. And the crud gets on the food immediately and does not require 5 seconds to crawl over to it. We did not determine whether more crud gets on the food if you leave it there for the full 5 seconds, and we also decided that we didn�t CARE what some stupid lab said, I mean, really, they tell you to eat oat bran and then they take it back and sugar causes hyperactivity and then it doesn�t, and seriously, make up your mind, scientific community.

Vicki and I also discovered that we can�t lift one eyebrow, but we CAN sort of raise the eyebrows while squinting one eye shut to sort of approximate it. Which we did while saying �That�s a fact�, because we are John Black from Days of Our Lives wannabes. This works even when the answer you give is, actually, wrong, because you are laughing so hard you don�t care that Stephen has taken the die and rolled it and started another of his 60 million questions right in a row streaks. I mean, you can do your laundry in the time it takes for Stephen to finally get one wrong.

This is how Stephen, Jonny, and Lillibet answer questions:

Me: What is the capitol of Mississippi?
Stephen: Mississippi? >thinks< Montgomery? Hmm, that�s not it..
Me (internally): Say Montgomery, say Montgomery, come oooooon�
Stephen then debates himself over whether it is Montgomery, since that�s a capitol but it doesn�t sound right. He turns to Jonny.
Jonny: Well, there are 3 million camels in Mongolia, which starts with Mon, and so does Montgomery, so the capitol of Mississippi is Monrovia. Or maybe not, because I�m from England and I don�t know the state capitols. And Monrovia is the capitol of Liberia.
Stephen: Right. He turns to Lillibet.
Lillibet: (if she doesn�t know) Says nothing.
Stephen: Hmm. Maybe it�s Tupelo.
Me (internally): Yes, yes, yes, Tupelo, go with that!
This sort of thing will go on for another minute or so, until I am inwardly squirming with delight that he�s going to miss it, and then, as I start to pick up the die�
Stephen: Jackson.
Me: Whuh? What da hell? [Me: Thank you, Roman Brady]
Then he gets another question. Eventually he will be stuck with some question about a rapper or baseball, and it will be our turn. For one question.

Then Greg came home and we had to surreptitiously pick up food particles from the carpet while he wasn�t looking, and that�s all I remember because it was 2:30 in the dang morning and I was running on cheese puff fumes.

[Tea: I got nothin�. I bow to Krumpet�s fabulous narrative on Jonny Logic (tm). That is actually an accurate depiction of how the game went. I will add for the record how conversations went on our side of the board:

Stephen: What 65 year old rocker was listed in People�s Most Beautiful People in 2000?
Tea: I think it�s Tina Turner. She�s the only old rocker I know.
Krumpet: Yeah? Could be.
Vicki: Yeah�.
Tea: Tina Turner then?
Vicki: Cher?
Krumpet: How old is Cher?
Vicki: Well, she was in her 20�s in the 70�s.
After some discussion of the math involved,involving discussion of her husbands, we determine that Cher isn�t old enough.
Vicki: No, wait. Who had something to promote in 2000? Tina Turner didn�t have anything. People magazine only picks people who have something going on that year. Does it have to be a woman?
We get a repeat on the question. No reference to gender.
Vicki: What about Santana?
Tea and Krumpet (dubiously): I don�t know.
Vicki: Okay, I�ll roll the dice to choose between the two.
Tea: Which two?
Vicki: Tina or Cher.
Tea: We just determined that Cher is not old enough.
Vicki: Oh. Right. Between Tina and Santana.
Tea: I think it�s Tina.
Vicki rolls, the die chooses Santana. Tea defers because she doesn�t really have a good argument for Tina.
Vicki: Our guess is Santana.
Stephen: Wrong. It is Tina Turner.


Next time, Krumpet and I are going to be on Stephen�s team. The other team can use the Special Vicki Information Divining Skills(tm) in conjunction with Jonny Logic (tm) to get some of the entertainment questions right. Krumpet and I will lose Vicki�s special Entertainment question knowledge, but that will be more than made up for with Stephen�s knowledge of Everything Else. So what that we will just be Stephen�s backup girls since we won�t be answering too many questions-- we will be on the winning team.

(And in case anyone thinks that I am mean to Vicki, throwing things at her and what not, I must say, so what? She must like it. She keeps inviting me over.)
(Actually, Vicki is STILL the Hostess with the Mostes�, yo.)]

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before || after
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